Delroy ended up falling asleep with the pillow on his face. It's a good thing he did too, as his usually loud and obnoxious snoring was being muffled by it. This was prime for his roommate, Todrick, who had brought a girl back to their one-bedroom apartment from the New Year's Eve party he attended.
He tried to coax Delroy into accompanying him, but he was firmly rebuffed with Delroy stating that he had no time for trifle parties and would rather stay in to play GRÜNDELGORE ONLINE with his little sister. Todrick just shook his head at Delroy and proceeded to get ready for the party.
Finally back home and feeling the effects of copious amounts of lager, Todrick stumbles towards the bedroom he and Delroy share with the young lady under his arm.
"Hey, we aren't **burp** gonna wake your friend, are we?" the young lady asks with a giggly slur.
Todrick shushes her then replies with a whisper, "As long as you **hiccup** bite your lip the whole time, we'll be **burp** fine."
He and the girl both start giggling like giddy children.
Upon opening the door and stepping inside, Todrick ends up tripping on Delroy's game controller and falls right on top of him, bringing the young lady along for the collapse.
"Shit!" Todrick groans.
Delroy immediately sits up and starts swinging blindly.
"Who goes there?!"
During his flailing flurry, he strikes the young lady directly in her nose.
"OW!" she cries out as she drops to the floor and rolls around cupping her nose.
"AMBER!" hollers Todrick. "Are you okay?!"
"No, I'm not! Just look at my fucking face!" Amber drops her hands to reveal a badly bruised and bloody snout.
"Oh no! Shit!"
"I think it's broken!" she whines. "The fuck is wrong with your friend?!"
"Nothing's wrong with him," Todrick drops his head and sighs. "He was just sleep. It's a reaction he has sometimes. Probably from playing games too much."
"Well that fucking-GAMER NERD-just broke my damn nose. UGH!"
Todrick puts his arms around Amber to console her.
"Hey, hey, hey. Relax. You'll be alright."
"The fuck?! The hell I will! I have a casting call to go to next week! I can't go there looking like this!" Amber screeches in frustration.
"Well, maybe you can audition for the role of Heather Hardy?" Todrick asks with a nervous chuckle.
"Who? You know what, fuck this. I'm leaving."
Amber pushes Todrick away, gets up and walks out of the bedroom, covering her nose with a Kleenex from her purse. Todrick scrambles to get up and chase after her.
"Amber, wait! Please don't leave!"
"Fuck you, Todrick. Bye."
Amber storms out, slamming the door to the apartment behind her and saying to herself as she leaves 'I can't believe I was about to give that broke-ass boy some pussy'.
"This is all your fault, Del!"
Delroy doesn't answer though. He's still out like a light, snoring louder than ever.
***
That morning, Delroy wakes up to find Todrick leaning over him, staring angrily into his face.
"What the-Jesus Christ, Tod. If you're going to kiss me good morning, just get it over with or at least attempt to be romantic."
"I'm gonna kick your ass."
Delroy sat up in the bed, yawning and wiping rheum from his eyes.
"And why is that? What could I possibly have done for yo' little skinny ass to wanna fight me?"
"You ruined my chance at getting some pussy last night."
Delroy frowned with confusion.
"Now how in the hell did I do that? I've been sleep all night, Tod. I didn't even know yo' ass had come home."
Todrick grabbed Delroy by the collar of his orange camo t-shirt and pulled him close. "Exactly. You were sleep, Del. And do you know what you do when you're fuckin' sleep?"
Delroy scratched his head and shrugged his shoulders, "Nah, I don't, Tod." -he pulls Todrick's hands from the collar of his shirt- "I'm usually too in tuned to the world of dreams to notice. Please enlighten me, oh wise one."
Todrick rolled his eyes then smacked Delroy.
"THE FUCK?! YOU BITCH-ASS NIGGA!" Delroy screamed.
Wide awake now, and fuming, he lunges out of the bed and starts to tussle with his roommate.
"I'm gonna kill you, you moist-ass nigga!"
"Not if I kill you first, fuckboy!" Todrick retaliated.
The two had been fighting for about a minute and a half when Delroy suddenly stopped.
"Hold up-What time is it?"
"Shit, I don't know. Let me see." Todrick replied. He pulled out his phone and turned on the screen. "Ummm, it's 11:35."
"SHIT! I GOTTA GET READY! I'M GONNA BE LATE!"
Todrick raised his eyebrow. "Late for what? You never go anywhere."
Delroy grabbed Todrick by the shoulders, shaking him. "I'm going to be late for the launch of BlastoWare's new VRMMORPG!"
Todrick burst into laughter. "I should've known it was some damn video game."
"It's not just 'some damn video game'! It's cutting edge VR technology!"
"Cutting edge, you say?" Todrick asks, holding his chin and stroking the side with his thumb.
"YES!"
"Well my interest is piqued now, so I'm coming with you. Gotta see this for myself."
"Of course you're coming with me- you're my damn ride, nigga."
"Oh wow, so you just decided on this without consulting me first?"
"Yes. After all, yo' ass is part of why I'm gonna be late." -Delroy rises to his feet- "Anyway, get out of my way, I gotta hop in the shower real quick."
"Fine. Hurry up though."
"DON'T RUSH ME!" screams Delroy as he leaves the room.
***
After a hurried fifteen minute shower, Delroy dashes back into the bedroom to quickly put on clothes, picking out his favorite long-sleeved black T-shirt with the BlastoWare logo on it and a brick red pair of cargo pants. He elected to not wear underwear or socks and didn't apply his usual anti-perspirant, instead grabbing the BOD Man Most Wanted bodyspray from atop his dresser and haphazardly spraying the fragrance all over.
In the aftermath, the fumes caused him to start coughing really bad and nearly knocked him out, but he recovered and immediately put on his shoes, a multi-colored pair of Under Armour sneakers. He grabbed his phone and headed out of the apartment as fast as he could, slamming the door behind him.
He quickly realized he forgot to lock it, so he doubled-back to complete the task. Upon turning around, he bumped right into Todrick who had appeared behind him suddenly out of nowhere.
"Jesus! Why in the fuck are you standing there like that? I thought you would've been in the car."
"Did you brush your teeth, Del?"
"Wh-wh-what? Wh-wh-why are you asking me that?"
"Did you brush your teeth? Yes or no?"
Delroy grunts. "No. I didn't. I didn't have time."
Todrick cuts his eyes at Delroy, letting out an exasperated sigh. "Turn around and go back in."
Delroy starts to shake, anxious at the possibility of being late for the launch.
"No, Tod. I'm not doing it. Let's just leave. We only have fifteen minutes to get there before the event begins."
"Aht aht! Nope! Go back in. You gotta do better with your personal hygiene." Todrick leans over and sniffs Delroy, making an ugly face upon doing so. "And fuck, Del, how much of that bodyspray did you put on?"
"Eh, I don't know, nigga. I just sprayed."
"Well the smell is suffocating. What were you trying to do? Baptize yourself?" Todrick starts gagging and heaving in an exaggerated manner. "I mean, fuck, smells like you emptied out the whole bottle."
"Fuck you, Tod. Like I said, I'm not going back in. Anyway, we're wasting time," Delroy turns Todrick around and pushes him forward. "Move it."
"Fine. BUUUUUUUT-I'll be driving with the windows down to keep that shit from choking me to death."
"What? It's fuckin' thirty-two degrees out here!"
Todrick narrowed his eyes, fixing them upon Delroy's apparel.
"And you don't even have a coat on, so why are you complaining?"
"Ummm, I mean, I hoped you'd turn the heat on once we got in."
"I mean, I could, but we'd also probably go up in flames from your body spray."
Delroy frowns. "Hardy har har, gon' get ya' little jokes in, bruh."
Todrick cackles loudly. "I'm just saying, homie. Shit. Anyway, let's go. I wanna see this shit just as much as you do."
"Is that right? Well fuck it, let's roll."
🎮🎮🎮
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